She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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