So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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