it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
