Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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