He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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