I love black thongs
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
