This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
