So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
