tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
