we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They took my balls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I party with great urgency now.
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