I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
