Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
