This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
