i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
