batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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