now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
