i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
