My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize