Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
