Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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