Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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