We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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