Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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