First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
