I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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