I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
