she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.