Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!