omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.