Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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