The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
