Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
