He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
