well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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