i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
