i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
