You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
