im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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