i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
