After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
