the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
