dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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