this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
operation harelip BJ is a go
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
