Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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