im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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