How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
