Pants 0. Shit 1.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
