I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
