I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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