I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
