I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
