oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
