After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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