Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
