he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
