Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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