i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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