My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning