I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my poor anus
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face