Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil