made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.