i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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