And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
