Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
