Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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