He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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