next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
