i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
