i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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