he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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